So here is my take on friendship, or better put, my singular birthed perception of it: “Friendship is not forced; it is earned. It is not a struggle either. Everyone has a friend in someone or some people, and no, It doesn’t have to be you”.
For credence sake, let’s define friendship by dictionary standards.
Friendship: The state of being a friend. Friendly relation or intimacy.
Friend: A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. A person who gives assistance or support. A person who is in good terms with another and not hostile. A member of the same party.
Wisdom should and must be paramount in this thing called friendship. You have to understand that friendship cannot be imposed because not everyone ‘can’ be intimate with you and not everyone quite understands how to be your friend.
You also have to understand that friendship is not meant to be a ‘struggle life’ activity. It is earned by those who ‘can’ support and assist you, be on good terms with and not be hostile towards you despite your shortcomings. They want to be attached to you either by affection towards you or regard for you. Even Christ made it clear that friendship is earned by will and relationship (John 15:14-15).
You also have to digest the fact that everyone has a friend in someone that unfortunately (should you have taken the friendship agenda personal) might not be you because, you just do not sync with them or relate to their cause (Squad goals, et al).
I believe that the ‘Friend Ship’ is a relationship-built ‘ship’ so yes, dating does have a certified pass on board it and it is not limited in anyway to the phase after acquainting with someone. In other words, be it ambiguous or defined, friendship only survives with friends.
Here are a few ways I have, and still guard my definition of a friend (notice there is no pre-phase of ‘real’ before the ‘friend’ because, a friend is meant to be as real as the word in itself, credits it).
Friends are loyal.
“In trouble like this I need loyal friends…………………….” – Job 6:14.
A friend is not only there with you for the good, they are there for the bad as well. They already understand your shortcomings so even when you are not good, a total mess or rebel, they are there but most especially to get you back on track. They do not just go on to the next.
A friend’s love is expressive.
“Friends always show their love” – Prov 17:17 a.
Remember they willed to be your friend by personal conviction, so with confidence, (and of course back up by my quote) I’ll say that ANY individual afraid or unwilling to show that they care for you, is no friend at all. See ehn, the worst kind of friends one can have are those who call you friend, yet, are ashamed of you. Kindly take heed when you notice deez wanz.
Friends forgive and do not hold account of your wrongs.
“If you want people to like you, forgive them when they wrong you. Remember wrongs can break up a friendship” – Prov 17:9.
Due the fact a friend understands that you come with your shortcomings, they wouldn’t hold your errors to heart. They don’t keep a ‘book of records for X-Y-Z’s messups’. They shouldn’t be hasty in criticizing your wrongs but rather edify you with encouraging words whilst bringing you to the realization that “Omor! you messed up sha..”.
Friends do not judge you.
Like I said, a friend understands that you come with your flaws and shortcomings (that’s why being a friend can never be the first stage; understanding an individuals personality is crucial) so they are patient with your decisions, conclusions or reservations. This is not because they are dumb or do not have personal opinions but they need to certify that you are not doing wrong by you and/or because, they are open to the possibility that your reservations or conclusions could be correct.
Friends mean well.
“Friends mean well even when they hurt you. But when an enemy puts his arm around your shoulder – Watch out!” – Prov 27:6
This is where intent matters; a friend should have your interest at heart. A friend is not that person who promises you trust and strips you behind your back. A friend is someone who locks the door and screams uncomfortable sense into your Medulla! Even possibly breaks you down for that moment and then pulls you back up with a smile, opens the door and steps out with you like nothing happened – That is a friend!
A friend tells you the truth about crappy devious guys you know much better than to frolic with. Ladies if you identify those friends, bank them up! They probably have been saving your butts more often than you’d permit your mind the credit.
Friends celebrate WITH you.
“….When she finds it, she calls her friends…… Let us celebrate!” – Luke 15:9
You are not just a hospital for emotional recovery. So diafor, any friend that calls you only when something is off, not right, not exciting or basically only for advice or emotional support, I think we can all agree is a USER and should have no place on the friend ship. I used to say friends are there for different purposes, I’m learning the truth – people are there for different purposes ‘friends’ are there for you! So, advice, definitely encourage at low moments if you may, but why shouldn’t you be contacted same when they get the job, land the contract, or just for the wedding? If a friend can trust you enough to get your support in whatever way at their low moments, shouldn’t that trust be worthy enough for the highs, too?
Friends are honest.
“A honest answer is a sign of true friendship” – Prov 24:26
Yes! Yes! We are human and everyone lies (eyes rolling) lol! That is no excuse though. Moments of weakness are far from the point I am trying to get out here. A friend should want good for you, yes? So they should be able to tell you the truth, weakness or not. A friend wouldn’t be comfortable knowing that you consumed and are satisfied with a fallacy they or anyone else told you (that they probably are aware of). Sometimes it is the bitter truths they tell you that prove indeed, they value your friendship.
I’ll reiterate this, we don’t have to be friends for me to love you, be concerned about your issues or pray for you. By choice, I do not have enemies BUT I try to be conscious and aware who my friends are.
Due to the fact that there aren’t enough terms to describe people that we probably have known for a long time, yet aren’t ‘friends’ with, everyone is termed a friend. So, we aren’t conscious of being ‘friends’ (in its truth) to people who are our friends also.
Some friends are more loyal than sibling/family. How do you measure up?
Are you a ‘friend’ or do you understand who your ‘friends’ are?
Photo credit: theFab -FAB ATELIER